How many times have we thought this? If only my partner would stop making me feel bad about myself. If only my kids would stop thinking I am their slave. If only my boss treated me differently. If only…..
We guess what? If only we took responsibility for ourselves then maybe our lives would flow a little more smoothly. How did this happen? How did we become a society where we think it is other people’s responsibility for how we feel?
No-one in this world can make us feel anything. No-one has that power over us unless we give it to them. Our feelings are exactly that – “our feelings”. Taking responsibility for them can change our lifes, giving us our own power back. Creating feelings of empowerment and confidence deep within us.
“IF YOU ARE DISTRESSED BY ANYTHING EXTERNAL, THE PAIN IS NOT DUE TO THE THING ITSELF BUT TO YOUR OWN ESTIMATE OF IT; AND THIS YOU HAVE THE POWER TO REVOKE AT ANY MOMENT.” – MARCUS AURELIUS
Being in charge of your feelings & emotions instead of putting that responsibility onto others is liberating.
Think of an example in your life where you have been hurt or offended by someone elses actions, reaction or response.
A lot of times when we are playing the “blame game” we start to feel resentment towards other people which in turn can create anger within our bodies if we hold onto it for too long. Holding onto anger then creates pain and illness. Not really worth it in the long run……
Think of a response you may have had in the past or may even be having right now, when someone does or has done something that upsets or triggers an emotion in you.
Do you get defensive? Do you fight? Do you shut down? Do you run away?
Do you start that negative thought process in your head about how selfish, horrible or mean that person is and stew over how they have made you feel? How dare they!!!
You may find yourself disconnecting from that person, and you may think this is a good way to protect yourself. However, when you do this you are not allowing yourself to connect with how you are really feeling and you have just given your power away to the other person to have control over you. Sometimes we think we are hurting the other person, but in all honesty all we are doing is hurting ourselves. Creating stress in our bodies and minds.
As this is happening your energy is changing, it’s vibration is lowering and you are starting to attract everything around you at a lower vibration, including the response or reaction you may receive.
So how can you start to change this pattern of behaviour? Which for many people has been a learnt behaviour they may have carried for most of their lives.
- It is all about making the decision that you want things to change. Acknowledging that for things to change around you, you have to be the one to change first. Waiting for other people to change in order for it to have a postive impact on your live is being irresponsible and powerless. Just think about how people respond to you when you are kind to them. They are giving you back the same vibrational energy that you have just given them. Keep your energy high & see what starts to come back to you.
- Set intentions each day to start to change your thought patterns. Eg: “Today, I will work to own my feelings and take responsibility for my emotional, physical, mental and spiritual well-being,” day after day your mind will start to believe it. Write it down & put it somewhere you can see it.
- Be mindful – when you feel yourself having the same thoughts or reactions that you are trying to change (as this is probably a habitual behaviour that you have developed) be aware of what is happening in your body and what you are feeling. Using mindfulness allows us to step back a little and not attach to these thoughts. Then we have more freedom to choose how to respond rather than reacting from habit.
- Know that it takes time & practice to break habits, but it is well worth the outcome of persisting.
- Believe in yourself and make a committment to change. It can be done if you really want to change your life and create better relationships.
How Can Holistic Kinesiology Help?
The body has a unique way of holding on through our subconscious beliefs & cellular memories. Clearing self-limiting beliefs, sabotage & survival programs that undermine your healing or success in reaching your goals. Being able to identify those subconscious beliefs and release them, change your thought processes, and replace the negative beliefs with positive beliefs is the key to long term changing in behavioural patterns. Clearing any negative energies from the body and ensuring your energy centres are clear & aligned in a great starting point to long term change.